In today's Miss Manners column, advice columnist Judith Martin responds to someone who finds it offensive that their daughter-in-law would send gift requests rather than accepting what she is gifted.

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Dear Miss Manners: If I bring a food item that I prepared, and it turns out that someone else brought a similar item, is it impolite for the host to say, “You shouldn’t have brought this. I already have some?” Or if I bring something and then when I’m leaving, the host says, “Take this home; no one will eat it?”

Dear Quentin, I gave my daughter over $100,000 to put down on her first house. She is my only child and I wanted to help her when she needed it. About six months later she met her husband and they married three years later.

Is it appropriate for my daughter-in-law to say to me, “Why don’t you ask us what we want, rather than just getting something that we may not want or use?” I was offended, because I thought gift-giving was the giver’s choice.